Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Dysfunctional Me

In case you missed my post over here,
here it is again... because I just love to humiliate myself... 


You know the women who you just hate
The ones who do 3 hour yoga sessions, and feed their families all organic food, who write birthday cards to the grocery store clerks, and NEVER forget a dentist appointment?

I am not this woman.

My work out sessions consist of running to the car because I am 20 minutes late, and feeding my husband cereal for dinner…because frankly, he likes it better than my cooking. My “cards” are pieces of computer paper with a quick message written in the one color of permanent marker I own – orange. And never forgetting a dentist appointment? How about NEVER remembering?

No. I am definitely not this woman.

So for those who doubt yourselves, I’ve compiled the 
Top 7 reasons you may be slightly more functional than me.
 Because all women need a little pick-me-up every now and again.
1. I haven’t drunken out of a cup the past 24 hours – Why? Because I keep forgetting to run the dishwasher. I do kind of like drinking out of a bowl…makes me feel like a gigantic cat.
2. Sometimes I put my clothes on before I go to sleep…that way I can sleep in 3 minutes longer in the morning...when do I get up? 6:05. What time do I leave? 6:10. I must look so radiant

3. My husband cut his finger so badly, it probably required stitches. So I glued it shut with Crazy Glue, and called it “good”



4. I make hats for stuffed animals. What else am I supposed to do with no kids?
5. I found a mysterious Peanut Butter M&M under the couch yesterday. I ate it

6. I ripped a pair of pants right along the crotch. I safety pinned it shut; and continued to wear them that way for the next 5 years.

7. I don’t own eyeliner…but sometimes I use a permanent marker. It always looks terrible, but I continue to try. What can I say, I’m an optimist.



We can’t all be perfect…
But at least there are people worse than us...
Like me.
You're welcome.

29 comments:

Jennifer said...

1. When there's no clean cups I drink from the carton. Actually, even when there are clean cups I drink from the carton.
2. I'm a SAHM so I usually sleep in my clothes and where them the next day anyway.
3. Sounds like you should be an EMT. I say your treatment was adequate ;).
4. I'll send you the measurements for my kids' heads.
5. No worse than me eating a chip off our carpet. It was stale, really stale, must've been there for a while.
6. The fact that you fit into the same pair of pants for 5 years, well I'm downright jealous.
7. You know what works great for that smokey eyed look? Putting on mascara the day before, then forgetting, or choosing not to wash your face the next day. Just try to wipe the smudges away the best you can. And there you go, smokey eye look.

And now you know way more about one of your new readers than you ever wanted to know.

Jennifer said...

I think you are now one of my alltime favorite people! LOVE this post!

*Jennifer #7 is my go to makeup idea for days when i don't do makeup! haha

Lori said...

I love the fact that you're real! Because honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that doesn't shower until 10 minutes before my husband gets home, or other weird quirky traits. You totally rock. I love it!!

Meghan said...

This has been the highlight of my morning! I haven't actually laughed out loud like that in a long time! Thanks for giving everybody a friendly reminder that nobody is perfect!

Kiera said...

loved this!...I posted all my confessions last Saturday... have a great day! Kiera
http://chambersmade.blogspot.com/2011/02/saturday-confessions.html

Emily said...

you know, I admire your honesty and sense of humor! :) :)

Terri said...

Really? A safety pin at the crotch!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Be afraid! That could be dangerous! (I wish I could fit into the pants of 5 years ago!)

teacherspet04 said...

Yay - I am not alone! And, jeans, from 5 years ago? I can't wear the ones from 5 months ago - you know, when I had my 5th baby. So now, I just wear the new official "mom uniform" - yoga pants (probably too tight) and the least kid/cooking/bleach spill stained t-shirt I own. But, I am at peace most days. You rock.

Wendy@project-create.blogspot.com said...

OMG! You make me laugh! Then again i may try that sharpie trick! LOL

Emily Love said...

You crack me up! I love reading your posts! They make my day :)

The Iowa Farmer's Wife said...

Loved this, too hilarious! Sometimes I rub baking soda in my hair because I just DONT have time to shower...it makes it looks less, err, greasy. Does that permanent marker come off easily?

Amber said...

OMG!! I loved this! I had laugh silently though as to not wake up everybody in the house. lol

Anonymous said...

HA HA!!! I think you would appreciate my wisdom wednesday quote today

http://polliwogsinbloom.blogspot.com/2011/03/wisdom-wednesday.html

BTW - #2 being a SAHM i have 3 sweathshirts to choose from, one with baby poop, one with spit up and the nice one for going out with a hole in the pocket :)

ruby murray said...

Lol, I too used to use Permanent marker for eye liner back in the day I thought it was just me!

I'm rubbish at remembering our wedding Anniversary too, the worst thing is, it's actually rememberance day (11th of the 11th!) poor guy he never forgets a date and has to remind me!

Kate said...

You are amazing! <3

Paisley Walls said...

That made my night! Too funny R U!
I especially like the M&M, only because I found a piece of the top of a hostess cake, you know the chocolate ones with the white swirls across the top? Yeah, well, I ate it (:
You are not alone!

Tesseraemum said...

You are my HERO!
I am seriously glad to see I am not the only one who sleeps in her clothes on occasion. I did this quite often when I broke my kneecap and it was just too much effort to remove the brace change and put it back on. Sad. I know...I put my "makeup" on in the car while I'm waiting for it to warm up. Mascara and lipstick is it...I don't know what I'm going to do when summer comes and it doesn't take 10 minutes to leave the drive!! Thanks for making my day! Oh, my kids sleep in their clothes alot too!! Sheri

mama2lilev said...

OMG!!! LMAO!! Thanks for the post, I needed it today :)...BTW I can relate to ALL of the items on your list....except maybe the marker for eye liner but I have just lip liner for eye liner. It's the same thing, right?!?

Family Fashion and Facts said...

LOL laughing so hard :) we all do these things...I might have to share my disfunctions on my blog now! LOVE this post!

Lee Ann said...

Love this post, my 5 year old is asking me why I am laughing!! i LOVE them all but my favourite is the pants I think. That is so something I would do x

Kristina said...

Really? Permanent marker as eyeliner?

No joke?

Okay, I like you, I'm making your knotted headband, and you're going on my craft blogs list. Have a nice weekend!

kristina said...

I bookmarked your blog weeks ago to read and I'm so glad I only got around to it now (not that your other stuff isn't incredible!) because this post has you soooo high on my list to follow... thank you for being real and letting the rest of us real women with real lives feel that much better about ourselves. I might have to try the sleeping in my clothes thing.

kristina said...

OH, and drinking out of a bowl. That seems fun, actually.

Mamma Mia said...

This is my first visit to your blog. I may never leave (except to make a tie rosette). I'd eat the m and m too, as we don't get the peanut butter ones here and I love them. Lots.

Carrie said...

Cami, thanks for being so real! Keep doing what you do! We dysfunctional people need more company!

Erica said...

Pretty sure I have done all of these!!! Just found your blog and love it!!!

Sarah @ Scissors and a Whisk said...

You are my new favorite. I'm quite certain NO post has made me laugh the way this one did.

Anonymous said...

You .... you are awesome. This is just great. I never thought about a safety pin to fix the rip in my Lulu yoga pants (I wore them once, and the dog chewed through them. Grrrr. Teach me to spend $$ frivolously) BUT I did use 3 safety pins to resize a pair of shorts that were too large for me ...

Someone above, Lori I think, said she showers 10 minutes before her hubby gets home - me too. I sit around in my pjs all day (I'm a SAHS - Stay at Home Student) and when I see he'll be home in 30 minutes I RUSH through the house cleaning the kitchen and trying to figure out what to cook to have on the table when he walks in then rush into the shower ... usually emerging as he pulls into the driveway, so I towel down the door/walls so it doesn't look like I just got out, and squeezing my hair for all I'm worth before clipping it up so it just looks like it's taking a LONG time to dry ... then I fib and say there was no mail today because I didn't drive the 8 minutes to check it. I think chasing the dog out of my way during my hectic 30 minutes qualifies as exercise (for me and the dog), right?

Donna said...

OMG, I just found your blog on pinterest and you are so hilarious! I couldn't stop laughing at this post, I love it. Thanks for making my day.