Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Dysfunctional Me

In case you missed my post over here,
here it is again... because I just love to humiliate myself... 

You know the women who you just hate
The ones who do 3 hour yoga sessions, and feed their families all organic food, who write birthday cards to the grocery store clerks, and NEVER forget a dentist appointment?

I am not this woman.

My work out sessions consist of running to the car because I am 20 minutes late, and feeding my husband cereal for dinner…because frankly, he likes it better than my cooking. My “cards” are pieces of computer paper with a quick message written in the one color of permanent marker I own – orange. And never forgetting a dentist appointment? How about NEVER remembering?

No. I am definitely not this woman.

So for those who doubt yourselves, I’ve compiled the 
Top 7 reasons you may be slightly more functional than me.
 Because all women need a little pick-me-up every now and again.
1. I haven’t drunken out of a cup the past 24 hours – Why? Because I keep forgetting to run the dishwasher. I do kind of like drinking out of a bowl…makes me feel like a gigantic cat.
2. Sometimes I put my clothes on before I go to sleep…that way I can sleep in 3 minutes longer in the morning...when do I get up? 6:05. What time do I leave? 6:10. I must look so radiant

3. My husband cut his finger so badly, it probably required stitches. So I glued it shut with Crazy Glue, and called it “good”

4. I make hats for stuffed animals. What else am I supposed to do with no kids?
5. I found a mysterious Peanut Butter M&M under the couch yesterday. I ate it

6. I ripped a pair of pants right along the crotch. I safety pinned it shut; and continued to wear them that way for the next 5 years.

7. I don’t own eyeliner…but sometimes I use a permanent marker. It always looks terrible, but I continue to try. What can I say, I’m an optimist.

We can’t all be perfect…
But at least there are people worse than us...
Like me.
You're welcome.
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